Tahaaddu Tahaabbu

I am not one fond of procuring gifts for special occasions like birthdays and all cos past experience tells me that there is no such thing as a perfect gift that last forever. For with time, I have always believed that even tha most coveted possession will collect dust or may even rust... but it's really tha cynic in me that anticipates tha likelihood that someone or someone's cat or dog (yeah u get the drift) will knock into it or something will somehow contribute to the disintegration of any material gift. So I've never really prioritized gift-giving not because of selfish miserly reasons but because I honestly believe that tha only gift I am capable of to tha people I care most about is my unflinching allegiance. For the best gifts are those that keep on giving…perpetuating in form and varying in deliverance but at tha core of it remains an exchange of love. Afterall, what is a gift if the underlying notion is not love and happiness? Of cos tha icing on the cake would be to receive gifts when u least expect it...and today I heard the best piece of news ever. Really sweetie, your happiness is my warmth! I am so very happy for you my dear souldoll. I am glad for u that such a divine blessing have come your way- definitely the zenith of all manner of gifts. You have come such a long way and there are really no words to express this so called relief that I feel, culminating into an almost exhilaration…seriously! cos there were times I was afraid that you were closing up far beyond reach that it really scared me...For what kind of world will I be living in if the most virtuous soul I know is not blessed with love and happiness!! I know for sure cos you are the longest friend I ever had... and to know you is to love you. I am definitely the foremost authority on that cos I knew you since you were born! I am your first friend and so were u mine! That's why it hurt so bad whenever u refuse to acknowledge the beauty that is you and tha emblem of purity and strength in tha path that you choose. To see you come this far now bring warmth to my frozen soul. I thank god for your angel- the definitive gift, self-defined testimony of joy.The journey is far from over but may you find the happiness that you have shielded yourself from all these while. So bask in the glory of today sis, cos nobody I know deserves it more than you. Isn't it scary how our lives are so parallel yet so aligned? How we seem to move in very different directions but yet in tandem? Though I'm tha biggest cynic of them all, may our year of tha dog bring more good things to come…and even if it don't…I know it will take a whole of a hell lot more to keep us down.

this risky biznez

Why does it feel as if tha truth has lost is dignity sometimes?
Especially when it is frequently flawed by weak justifications of convenient 'by-laws' people easily modify and adopt just to suit their circumstance.
How many times have we magnify faults of others as if they were mammoth crimes against mankind but when it comes to measuring the exact same action committed by ourselves, our moral lens of scrutiny suddenly converge to microscopic proportions?
It is really better to fall into the comfort zone of risk aversion so as to cushion the propensity of hitting rock bottom?
Even if it means that settling for this lower risk will garner lower returns… turning our backs to the infinite possibility of what may come by restricting the impossible?
Sure, we can all cover our spritual bases, diversify our soul investments so as to limit the emotional risk of going under but can that axiomatically guarantee a meaningful return for the mind, body and soul?
So while tha future remains to be a definitive, my prerogative will always be to unlatch from that false safety net…
Whereas plummeting does not seem an enviable prospect, I would rather hold on to my dream of freefalling into elysium than to curtail any future plummets simply for the sake of risk aversion.

pulling earth

today is one of those days that i just can't wait to go home and bury my head unda tha pillow and just bawl.
not cos im particularly sad or anything but becos i need an outlet.
for now, alcohol is passe. heh.
tho tha knowledge that mr jim beam is still somewhere lying around in my room is defly not helping either.
all i can think now is to get a swig of that all too familiar golden brown likwid. ahhh...tha scent, repulsive to some but i dig that very first whiff. u can always tell tha calibre of a drink by tha aroma that precedes tha taste. that's why i never smell first. i like that feeling when im totally engulfed by tha first few trickles that burns tha inna sides of my throat. so to steal a telling whiff will be like breakin' that "element of surprise", for tha lack of a better expression.
heh but like all tha rest of em, i will be tha first to leap up and say- hell, no...i'm not an alkie!
really...i am not. i just drink a lot. lol.

forever deviating.


i'm falling into a pattern that worries me.
thats why today i shed tha 'equivo-quotient' and tell it like it is.
no codes nor binaries will be transmitted today.
for tha very sap that i've thrived on are running on very low.
pleading with me to let them go.
to let emotion supercede intellect and logic for once.
not the wisest of decisions. yes, i know.

i worry for tha prospect that i may have become what i have staunchly advocated against...
so weak.
so soft.
so unpurposeful.
so retarded by emotions.
so unlike me.
so very, unlike me...

who allows such treachery? to steal me from me.

so unfair.

hopefully tomorrow when I wake, my soul will once again recognise me.

Profane Trove

Let's not go there.
Let's stay.
Let's keep it together.
Let's stand our ground and not fall into tha fallacy of escapism and apathy.
Let's forget that we did not ask for any of these?
For isn't it taboo to question a blessing but I can't help but wonder do gifts we do not ask for qualify as a windfall?
More often than not, we are conditioned to take satisfaction for tha bounty and make do with it… even if tha gift degenerates into a mighty burden.
Acceptance is key, for it seems to be that any manner of 'resistance' is widely perceived in bad taste.
Expected to assimilate and exceed expectation, waking up to tha cock-eyed daily prospect that tha next would be better than before and with some kinda vile positivity that somewhere somehow with "effort, hard work and discipline" we will surpass tha achievements of yesteryear. Anything less is merely disdained as if it was a crime punishable by condescending eyes.
I beg to differ, especially when there is so much hypocrisy buried in subjectivity (in this, i speak solely courtesy of myself & am in no way imparting my ideals on othas) isn't it inevitable that tha natural reaction is to seek objectivity as an alternative determinant?
Burning question is- how in tha world do we find objectivity in something you cannot quantify, measure nor explicate?
Have faith they say.
But is faith the sole leverage towards tha probability of doubt? Ironically, that is an oxymoron in itself cos doubt as we all know is tha succession/ predecessor of improbables, depending on how cynical one is.
Let's not go there…
Let's chain ourselves to fate for tha burnmarks from these spiritual shackles need worth and meaning to justify tha sacrifice…
If nothing is for nought…let absolution find us…for once